Reasons...

So a couple nights ago, Chris and I were watching "Just Go With It" on TV.  And the one part of the movie that really left an impact on me, is where Devlin and her husband (the sorority competition) were telling each other 3 things they loved about each other every time they parted.  While, in the movie, they end up getting divorced, it got me to thinking.  Why not tell each other what we love about each other.  Everyone likes to get their ego stroked every now and then, and to be honest I would like to know what qualities I have that Chris loves.  So, of course curiosity got the best of me, and I asked for 5 reasons.  These are the reasons I got: 

1. my personality (a little broad for my liking, but I told him he could expand on that later)

2. my smile

3. the way were so compatible, and can give each other all kinds of crap, and none of it is taken seriously

4. the way I let him be part of the kids life

5. my aura, the way I glow when Im around him (funny he should list this as one of his reasons, because everyone claims that Im glowing these days.  When you are overly happy with your life, apparently you glow!)

I was pretty happy hearing the reasons that I am loved.  And while he hasn't asked for reasons as of yet, I am going to come up with as many as I can.  

1. his eyes, its like they can see right through me

2. his smile, it doesn't matter what kind of mood I'm in, all he's gotta do is smile that awkward little smile, and I can't even remember what I am upset about. 

3. his laugh, as cheesy as it may sound, that laugh can melt my heart

4. the way he talks, even with as much as much flack as I give him about it, I love the way he talks. I vow that I am not going to pick up on the redneck southern accent, but I do find it adorable.  

5. the way he interacts with the kids.  Ive always known that he's been good with kids, but he loves to spend time with them.  He has taken a genuine interest in being part of their lives.  And they need that.  And I need them to have that kind of relationship in order for this to work.  

*I might point out that this whole thing would probably be easier if I would write all the things that I don't love about him, because honestly, there are only a couple things that come to mind, and one of those includes his love of his own flatulence.... 

6. the way that my head fits perfectly into that crook on his shoulder.  Its never uncomfortable, it just works.  Every time.  

7. the way he will cuddle all night.  Never before have I been able to cuddle all night, but I can. And I love it.  

8. the way he has tried to change what I thought a relationship was supposed to be like.  He has made sure to show me that it should be a partnership in every way, shape and form.  While it has taken me some time, I am slowly adjusting to this new found way of life.  

9. the way he is always himself.  He never puts on a front, or tries to be someone he's not.  If you don't like it, then its your loss, not his.  

10. the way he never lets me forget that he loves me.  He is always telling me that he loves me, and every time those words leave his lips, I get that warm feeling with a side of butterflies.  

I can think of hundreds more little things that I love about that boy.  But basically, it all boils down to one thing.  I am MADLY in love with him.  

Its Complicated (The movie)

Ive said for quite some time now that our story is going to make one really good movie.  And honestly, it really is one of those stories that movies are made out of.  So Im going to write it down in a blog, in hopes that maybe someday a movie producer will come across it, and eventually write a movie about us.  


Back at the end of 2005, I was well on my way to becoming a college dropout. I was still somewhat strung out over my high school relationship. And I needed a change of pace.   For some reason that I don't really remember, I was introduced to a website called hotornot.com.  At first, I was just doing the rating thing, and then decided, what the hell, why not make a profile.  While my rating wasn't anything fantastic, I did contact a few people via mail and made a couple friendships.  There were two guys that contacted me though that really had me interested. One of them was in an Army uniform with a stupid grin, and the other was a redneck holding a fish.  Two people, completely different, with the same name.  (until recently I didn't know that they have a few stupid little things in common) Anyways, I was in contact with the southern one, via email, and eventually texting.  The Army one, I was in contact with and eventually met up with, because he was a recruiter, and I was strongly considering joining, because I really wanted out of my parents house and out of my hometown.  He and I hit it off, and became really good friends.  I ended up moving into his house in Wamego, while working in Manhattan.  Meanwhile, I was still in contact with the southern version, talking on the phone and via text, and had hung out quite a few times. I thought of him as one of my bestest friends.  I had fallen for this boy.  Hook, line, and sinker.  I was so confused.  He wanted to hang out, and we talked quite a bit, but never really mentioned having any feelings toward me.  I knew he was kinda seeing another girl, but didn't really know where that was at.  And I wasn't comfortable bringing up my feelings for him, just to be shot down.  So I never mentioned anything.  In August, I went to a wedding with the roommate, and we ended up taking our relationship to the next level.  In September, we all hung out together around my birthday.  Feelings about anyone was never mentioned.  At the end of October, I got an IM on yahoo. He had gotten married.  This was news to me, and it hit me like a wrecking ball to the stomach.  But that was just as well, because 2 days later, I found out Army Chris and I were expecting a baby.  That wedding is what did it.  So on November 15, less than a month after he had gotten married, I got married too.  My marriage was rocky to say the least, we still talked every now and then.  My heart always skipped a beat anytime he popped up on my yahoo chat. And he always said "whats up peckerhead". Thats what I was known as.  And while some people would think that it was rude, I found it endearing, and still do.  Time went by, but not a day went by without me thinking about him.  At least once a day, I would do something where I would think of him, or he would cross my mind.  I would wonder what he was doing at that very second, or if he was happy.  When we talked, our relationships weren't really discussed.  I had Camryn, and I knew he had moved to Tennessee.  In April 2010, Batchman and I almost got divorced, I just couldn't take it anymore, but I decided to tough it out.  Little did I know, that at that very same time, Chris and his wife were going thru the same thing and almost separated then too.  Towards the end 2010, Chris and I had talked, and he had told me he was trying to get on the Nashville fire department, and he was fixing to take tests to do that.  I had called to see how he did after.  Still only talked every now and again.  I believe it was about May or so of this year, I got a phone call from him, saying he was going to be in Olathe, (he's  a truck driver too). He called that night, from Olathe, 10 minutes from my house.  I couldn't bring myself to go see him in person.  I was so scared that all the feelings I had pushed to the side for 5 years would come rushing back.  So I talked to him on the phone, but never went and saw him.  The phone calls came more regular then, and came on an almost everyday basis.  I told him everything that was goin on in my life, how miserable I was and that I was getting separated because I couldn't do it anymore.  Then one night, he called and he was going to be in Kansas City.  It was late, and my friend Shelly, who was living with me at the time, kept at me about going to see him.  So I did.  I drove and hour, got lost once, and went to see him.  And, as soon as I walked up to his truck, it all came back, just like I was scared would happen.  And then, I got the hug.  And the rest of the night was just a blur.  I remember laying there, talking about everything, catching up, and just being truly happy for 5 hours, that I didn't want to ever end.  We talked everyday, sometimes all day, after that. I still didn't really know what was going on with him. Eventually, one day he finally told me that his marriage wasn't all roses, and he wasn't really happy. I still at that point had not told him how I really felt.  But one night, with the help of a little alcohol, he set up the opportunity for me to come clean. The next morning, I told him that I had fallen for him a long time ago, and I wasn't looking to get hurt again. He didn't have a clue that I had felt that way, and eventually came to say that he too had fallen for me, but didn't want to interfere with the relationship Batchman and I had.   The next time I went and saw him, I brought Camryn with me.  It took her awhile to warm up to him, but once she did, she loved him.  The next time, I brought both kids with me, and Bradyn liked him too.  He, by that point, had made up his mind that he wanted out of his marriage, and she moved out in the middle of August.  Also in August, Batchman decided that it would be a good idea to introduce his kids to a girl that he met off a craigslist ad, which had me slightly  more than riled up, and I made the decision on a Friday night that the kids and I were moving to Tennessee. (I might need to add that Chris had already mentioned that he had a place for me and the kids if and when I wanted it) The following Saturday, I had packed the entire house, and the kids, and we were moving to Tennessee.  The entire trip here, I was over thinking, wondering if I was making a huge mistake, rushing things.  But when I pulled and finally got here, all it took was one smile, and I knew we were right where we belong.  Rushing things? Probably a little, but we have waited a long time for this kind of happiness, and we have "wasted" a lot of time. 


So we are almost 2 months into this, and honestly I have never been happier.  I can't wait to see where this will go.  I have high hope for the future.  

Never been that girl....

I've never been that girl that people say "I wish I had what she has".  I have become that person, and its still sinking in.  I always seen people on Facebook or in public and wished I could be that happy.  Now that's me... It took a long time and some very hard decisions to get to this point, but I'm here, and I love it.  I have my fair share of haters to go a long with this new found happiness, and people that don't feel like supporting me, (family members included) but I'm doin me.  I haven't been this happy in well...forever.  And I really hope this happiness can last well...forever!

April 26, 2011: a very important day

Why is April 26, 2011 so important? Well, because it's the day I stopped caring. I still care about myself, and my kids... But that's it. I don't care what people think, I don't care about some people that I cared about yesterday. Why? Eventually, you reach a point in your life that you hit that roadblock that just makes you not give a damn anymore. For me, that came today. Mostly because I realized its a dog eat dog world out there, and no one else besides myself really cares about my success or happiness. The people that should care, are way too self absorbed to even take notice of anything else, and while I find it incredibly annoying, I too, am going to do the same. While I'm not exactly sure how I should be feeling right now, I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be feeling as exhilarated as I actually do. And knowing that, I'm sure that I will be making lots more changes in my life in the near future. And the changes I make, won't cater to anyone's happiness, except for mine and my kids.

Laundry day = nudity

No, laundry day doesn't equal nudity because I waited that long to do it, and we're out of clothes... It equals nudity because if everyone in my household goes naked on laundry day, that means for one brief day, IM CAUGHT UP ON LAUNDRY!!!
Why, oh why can't this be legal??
I'm actually not sure why I hate laundry so much... I mean the washer does most all the work. Ok, I know why I hate it... It's the FOLDING and HANGING!! Its so time consuming, and let's face it, most of the time it sits in the laundry basket until the next time it's wanted to be worn, and then it's quickly spritzed with water and thrown in the dryer for a couple mins to release the wrinkles. (and all those wrinkle releaser products lie, they don't actually work). On top of that there's a lot of clothes that I can't put in the dryer because they shrink, so then I have tons of clothes hanging in doorways and on dryer racks in various rooms of the house. So basically, laundry is just a big mess. That I am NOT A FAN of.

Photoshop CS5

My newest venture, Photoshop.  

Unfortunately, I know absolutely nothing about it.  

Fortunately, they have youtube videos for tutorials.

Unfortunately , my internet is slower than molasses and will not allow me to watch said videos. 

Fortunately, they make books to teach you  the same thing. 

I will have to make a point to invest in some of these books, so I can learn to do some photoshopping. 

I am very excited to learn how to do all this, but it seems very overwhelming at the moment.  Hopefully, some good pictures will come out of the adventure. 

I am trying much harder to keep taking pictures, and I am ready to start getting serious about the kids' scrapbooks.  Like I need more on plate?!  The weather is just starting to get nice outside, so the kids want to be outside all the time, which does not leave much time for indoor hobbies.  

But hey, at least the weather is finally start to straighten itself out! 

 

 

Why is this so HARD??!!

I want to know why it is so hard for me to keep this darn thing up to date... I mean, I always have the best intentions of coming up with something super enlightening to post about, and then I fail to do the posting part.  And by the time I actually want to post something I have forgotten all the things I actually wanted to post in the first place.  Ugh...

On another note, the challenge thing was a major fail.  I might even venture to say: epic.  I made it 3 days on the encouragement challenge, and the photo challenge just never took off.  I may try the photo one again...well see.  I got a new computer (macbook air) and have to set up the photo part of it sometime I guess.

The hubby has been in texas all week, and should be returning late tonight, or early tomorrow morning.  While I admit that its been kind of nice to be on my own schedule for the most part, I cannot wait to have some help with the munchkins.

I had the worst parenting experience yesterday at a consignment sale.  Bradyn wanted me to buy this hot wheel toy, that I did not think that he needed, and it wasnt 50% off.  Of course it had to be sitting right there at the dang checkout.  He absolutely threw a fit! Could hardly get out of the ballroom that the sale was in, let along trying to carry this huge back of stuff that I had bought and Camryn down the escalator, all while trying to help the fit throwing Bradyn down it.  Once we finally got out to the van, and I got him buckled and am working on getting Camryn belted in, he proceeds to unbelt himself, open the door, and try to go running back to the convention center.  I was soo incredibly frustrated.  Prior to that, I was so proud of myself for getting out and doing all these things, ya know, just me and the kids.  And it was after I was driving down the road trying to regain composure, that I realized why I dont like to do it all that much.

Well, I have a thousand things that need to get done, such as the house needs to be cleaned, and I have GOT to start going thru the stuff for the garage sale.  I am dreading all that.  I am so ready for it to be done and over with!

I will try to do better at keeping this up to date, but don't hold your breath!! ;-)

Challenge Me...

Ive seen a lot of hype lately about these 30 day and 365 day challenges.  They seem to have one for every aspect of your life.  I am going to be starting a couple of them tomorrow.  I am going to embark on a 365 day photo challenge, where I take one picture of something in my life everyday.  At first I thought this was kind of silly, but after reading a description on why you would want to do it, it makes a little more sense.  I mean, Im going to be able to look back and see a picture of a piece of my life for everyday of the year... I dont lead an overly exciting life, but hopefully this will help it seem a little more exciting.  I am also going to start a 30 day challenge that will help encourage and strengthen relationships.  However, that one I am going to have to start tomorrow, because I have already messed day 1 up.  In my defense, I did not know I was going to be doing this challenge when I committed the offense.  If all goes as planned, it will be bring out some positive changes in me and my attitude towards different things in my life.  For 30 days, you cannot say anything negative about or to your spouse, or to anyone else about your spouse.  I believe this will prove to be difficult but I am determined to complete this challenge, and if I mess up, I will start over!


Extra reading material:
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/

Please excuse my absence...

Well, so far this seems to be going like my diary in middle school, (except Im refraining from talking about only boys) I do really good, and then I disappear for awhile. But in my defense, I have been incredibly busy lately.
We had a blizzard last week, literally, they called it a blizzard. We got 14" of snow last Tuesday.  Needless to say, Im sick of snow by now!  And what do you know, they are calling for an additional 5" tomorrow.  I dont know where in the world we're supposed to keep putting all this darn snow!
In addition to that, Camryn turned 2 on Thursday, and I had a birthday party for her over the weekend, so the week was pretty much shot on getting everything prepped for a hello kitty birthday party! It did end up going very well though.  And the hello kitty cake, and the tractor cake for my sisters boyfriend did turn out pretty cute, if I say so myself. 
After the party on Saturday, we decided to go to Chuck E. Cheese with a few friends.  Big. Mistake.  I cannot believe how people just let their children do whatever they want in there.  I actually witnessed a little boy knock a little toddler (who had pretty much just learned to walk) down flat on the tile floor, and just kept running, never looked back.  Had there not been a language barrier, I would've grabbed the kid by the back of the shirt as he went flying past me.  And the kids there did not know the meaning of "taking turns".  The kids and I stood in line for quite a few minutes before I finally had to say something to him about giving us a turn, and he was none too happy about it, when he finally did relinquish control of the game.  And as I walk around, I see all these parents just sitting around in the booths drinking beer and eating pizza, not at all worried about what their kids are doing!  Unbelievable.  The kids had a blast for the most part, and I survived, but its not an experience I will soon embark on again!
Superbowl Sunday was deliciously uneventful.  I went to my first official Superbowl party, (minus the one in my friends dorm, which doesnt count because you cant get a full menu out of a microwave and mini-fridge), and I have to say, that it was quite a lot of fun.  A bunch of Army recruiters and their families and hanging out, with a bunch of yumminess is a great time.  Although today Ive been feeling a little under the weather.  I dont have a tummy ache, sore throat, stuffy nose, nothing like that, I just feel achy and cold, like I have a fever.  But when I take my temperature, of course it says Im fine.  Not that it'd matter, not like I get sick days (<==something that i miss). 
Well, I finally got all my pictures from the last couple months uploaded to facebook so I guess I better get to the grocery store before the weather hits tomorrow... I believe I would have a couple unhappy midgets if I run out of milk during the day!

Read the User Manual before using!

This the cover for my scrapbook that is going to the foster care agency...
It was my first experience with the cricut... after almost throwing out the window due to frustration, I got it figured out.  Amazing what reading the user manual will do for ya...

Yeah, Im THAT mom...

So, I received a book in the mail yesterday that I had swapped for... "The No Cry Solution to Potty training"... Never thought I would be one of those women that read books on how to raise her kids. But I have become that mom.  (Reading blogs about parenting doesnt fall into that ridiculous category by the way)  I mean, I read the "What to Expect When Youre Expecting", as most every first time parent does, but other than that, I didnt think I would be reading a book.  Which goes to show that I am at very wits end with the whole potty training thing.  B will be 4 in April, and still has no real desire to be potty trained.  So, I am going to find out if this book thinks its something that Im doing.  And after reading just a little, I have realized that I should have probably read a book from the beginning.  So, I guess the moral of the story is that, its not all that ridiculous to read books about parenting!

In other news, Im really starting to get into scrapbooking.   Well trying to anyways.  I got a cricut machine off craigslist, and Im slowly figuring out what to do with it.  I think that Im also going to start making my own cards with it.  I think it will be a lot of fun once I really figure it all out.  Scrapbooking is a very expensive hobby though, so Im researching ways to make it all a little cheaper.  Ebay actually has quite a bit of scrapbooking supplies and its still cheaper than getting it from the craft store.  I also think Im gonna look for a book or something to try and get some handle on what all Im doing.  I honestly didnt think there was going to be so much to learn about gluing some pictures in a book!  But it will be lots of fun!

Apparently, Im going to have to rearrange my hobbies though.  I am a huge reality tv fan, and well just tv in general... but now that Im trying to do scrapbooking, blogging, reading, and such I have a whole pile of shows sitting in my dvr, unwatched.  Although, the obvious solution is to just cut back on watching some TV it causes me great pain to think that Im not going to be able to watch all my shows.  But on the bright side, I have already cut out one show, The Bachelor... Now I just needed to decide what other shows I can live without...

Well, I think that is all for now... Gotta get busy doing my 1003 other projects... :)

"This is genocide in America?"

I finally read an article about the shooting in Tucson, where they stated that they didnt think that Jared Loughner was politically motivated.  Personally, I didnt think he ever was, but who am I?  The reporting of the whole event has been far from correct from the git go, I mean, I had a pop up on my phone state that Giffords was fatally shot.  Then, half an hour later the story changed to she was in critical condition, so why the entire nation jumped to conclusions and started blaming completely uninvolved parties absolutely blows my mind.  First of all, Loughner was 22 years old.  What has the political system done to him in 22 years of life, (only 4 years of being an adult) to make him want to gun down any political figure?  Second, the authorities just did some investigating, and discovered his actions the day/night prior to the incident.  After reading everything he did in the hours prior,(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/15/jared-loughners-chaotic-i_n_809525.html) and the note that he left on his social networking page, it would occur to me (just a normal, unpolitical, human being) that he was suicidal, but didnt have the testicular fortitude to do it himself, and decided that death by cop/security, would be the easiest route to take for him.  Im not promoting what he did, but I would think that there would be some level of security at an event like that, so I understand that he thought that would be good way to get shot. However, there wasnt any security there and his plan backfired considerably. I dont feel that any of this was really ever thought about, everyone just started jumping to conclusions, and the news was the definitely the first people to jump on the political bandwagon.  Not that its surprising.  The entire country has been in an uproar over the most ridiculous things for the past week, for what??  Funny how no one thinks there needs to be stricter gun laws until something happens.  And who's to say that had he not had a gun, that he wouldnt have chose some other sort of way to accomplish his same mission.  And, then of course were going to start blaming people, ie Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, that had nothing to do with the situation, and then were going to act appalled when they stand up and defend themselves.  Seriously America, is this what we've become?  Heres a thought, if we really feel the need to blame someone other than Loughner himself, how about we go with his parents?  He was living at home, and obviously very unstable, even friends that didnt associate with him anymore could state those facts, yet his parents didnt try to get him some help, or try to figure out what was going on with him... (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41014125/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/) I think that should blame be passed, it should be passed onto them.  I am a parent, I know when my kids arent feeling good, or are having a bad day, so you cant tell me that you dont notice serious depression and psychotic behavior in your child.  That being said, I dont think the blame should fall anywhere other than on Mr Jared Loughner himself.  Mentally unstable or not, he still killed six people and wounded 13.  I dont think theres any doubt in anyones mind that he did need help before this ever happened, and now the debate will turn to whether or not he should receieve the death penalty.  So, let me share my thoughts on that too.  I dont think it should in any way depend on who the victim is whether you should receive the death penalty.  (Even with the whole law enforcement thing)  So, that being said, I also do not think that being "crazy" should be a justifiable defense to killing someone.  I think that the death penalty should definitely be one of the options, and leave it up to the jury on whether or not he gets it.  More than likely he will plead insanity and will sit in a psych ward for the rest of forever. At least with him pleading insanity, we know it wont be a lie or excuse...he is actually insane! 

painting: mission. accomplished

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Take that agoraphobia!

So, I have this issue of agoraphobia... I don't mind the crowds, and all that...its driving! I enjoy driving,  but I have an anxiety problem, with having a fear of not having a bathroom close by, should I need it.  It sounds ridiculous to me too, believe me.  Ive had this problem since I moved from Manhattan, a year and a half ago.  Just found out at the end of summer, that I'm in fact not crazy, this is an actual problem.  But Ive done extensive reading, and learning about how to control this, and I'm doing much better.  In fact, tonight, we went out to eat and I was completely unmedicated!  I haven't went out to eat much in the past year and a half, and when I have, I have to medicate to be able to handle it.  But tonight, was different.  And I want to think that it was a major turning point in all this I have been going through the last few months.  I have prayed and prayed that it would just go away, because I didn't want to feel like this anymore.  It has taken a lot of work and overcoming an anxiety disorder is very difficult.  But I know now, that I CAN and WILL do this.  

On another note, we are working on painting Bradyns bedroom today.  He wants a Cars bedroom, so we have been painting a race flag border all along his wall...very tedious.  3" squares of black and white....this is the one time I'm glad his room isn't any bigger than what it is.  But it will be super cute once its finished.  The kids are sleeping in Camys room tonight...no, let me rephrase... they are SUPPOSED to be sleeping in Camys room... so far they have been playing/tormenting each other/fighting for the last 2.5 hours.  Oh well, they're only kids once, right?

Apparently, there was a drive by shooting here tonight too, which has me a little scared... wasn't in my neighborhood or anything, but still this is a tiny town and I don't feel comfortable with people driving by and shooting guns...not really my cup of tea. 

Well, Ive got to get back to painting, I'm sure they other coat of paint is probably dry... I have lots more things on my mind, I will try to get to those soon :)

Swap.com - trade books, CDs, movies, and video games

Swap.com - trade books, Cd's, movies, and video games

(sorry just figured out a way to actually share the site, so I did... I'm still trying to learn my way around all this new technology... but I definitely understand how my parents felt when computers were just coming out... I actually feel a bit sorry for them...


Ok, i will write more later... I am going to get some shut eye right now... Happy dreaming!

hmm.. first post

Well, I guess this first post will kinda explain what this is all about... It will be a collection of my thoughts... Im sure topics will range from parenting, chiefs football, politics, books, relationships, so on and so forth.  I cant promise that it will always be entertaining, but I will try to be consistent with my postings.   I remember as a child, I had a diary and I was terrible about writing in it regularly, so hopefully this works out slightly better than that.  
A stay at home mom has lots of thoughts that go through her head all day, everyday and a blog seems like a good place to put all those thoughts.  

One thing I definitely do want to share, I ran across this site yesterday, that may very well be the coolest thing since sliced bread.  swap.com   You can go to this site, make an account, and trade your books, video games, movies, cds that your done with. You make a list of things you want, and you make of things you have, and they do all the work to set up the trade.  A trade costs .50 - $1.00 depending on the item, and then pay for the shipping.  Still cheaper and more space saving than goin to the store to get that new book/movie that youre wanting.   I have done 1 trade so far, and it says Ive saved about $9.  I dont doubt it, seeings how I traded a movie Ive seen a million times, that plays on tv every other week, for a book I normally pay around $8 for.  Really you should try it out.  And maybe trade me some things... 


Well, I am going to go ahead and post this, I may have some more thoughts to share a little later... we'll see...